February 1, 2013

How can I discipline my toddler and encourage good behavior? What are some good toddler discipline techniques?

Welcome to part 3 of Toddler Discipline! If you missed them, here is part 1 and part 2.

DISTRACTION!!!

This is one of the best toddler discipline techniques you will ever learn. If your child is doing something they shouldn’t  try distracting them. Toddlers have an extremely low attention span so use it to your advantage. Let’s say your child is getting into your DVDs and is about to dump them all out and make a huge mess. Before the mess is made, try this, “Hey, look at this ball, let’s roll it across the floor. Isn’t this fun?” Soon your sweet child will be uninterested in the DVDs and will be playing ball. Now say your child is about to throw a tantrum because he or she wants to play with scissors. Try this, “Hey, this crayon is blue. Should we see how it looks on paper? Look, it is blue on the paper too. Do you want to try?” Once you start using distraction, you will be surprised how well it works. Just get your child to pay attention to something else, and you can prevent a whole host of problems.

Say “no” as little as possible, but mean it when you say it

Don’t say “no” to everything. Give natural consequences, do time outs, give choices, or distract your toddler. Try to explain on a toddler level why things must be done a certain way. Let your actions or the consequence say “no” so that you don’t actually have to say it. However, there will be times that you need to say it. When you do say “no” make sure you mean it. Try to reserve “no” for extreme or serious circumstances. For example, if your child begins to run out onto a busy street. Say “no” and make sure they hear you while you retrieve them.

Sometimes It’s Okay to Change Your Mind

Sometimes you will be tired, or lose your temper and you will give a consequence that isn’t fair or is completely unrealistic or that just isn’t necessary. For example, maybe your child accidentally dropped some of their food on the floor. Maybe you lost your cool and took away their food and told them they couldn’t eat anymore food until the next meal. Then, let’s say five minutes later, you realize that the consequence you gave wasn’t really fair. It was an accident after all. Go to your child and say something like, “I lost my temper and gave you an unfair consequence. I am really sorry. You can eat the rest of your food, but please try to not drop it on the floor.” Try to stay calm and give good consequences so that you don’t have to do this often. You don’t want to go back on the things that you say very much because then you are just being inconsistent. However, it is okay to change your mind every once and awhile. Nobody is perfect and your child will appreciate your ability to correct a mistake.

Pray

Sometimes you just need the help of a higher being to get you through the day when you have to discipline a toddler. :) If you are religious, ask for help with patience, or to think of natural consequences, or to think of good ways to distract your toddler. I remember very clearly once when Little Bear was a toddler. He kept doing something that he shouldn’t. I had applied all of the techniques I knew. I had done everything I could. Finally, I prayed and asked for help. I said “I have done everything I know how, I need your help now.” I don’t remember what Little Bear was doing or what I did after I prayed, but I remember that the problem was gone by that evening. I know that praying can help with parenting so don’t be afraid to pray if you are at your wits end.

I hope you’ve found something to make the terrible twos easier. I would love to hear any thoughts or suggestions you have so feel free to leave a comment or send an email. Thanks for stopping by!

We've found some fun people with great linky parties. You might just see this post linked up on one of these amazing sites! Link and Learn from No Time for Flashcards Sunday Showcase from Train Up a Child Share it Saturday from Teach Beside Me Tot School Gathering Place from 1+1+1=1 Montessori Monday from Living Montessori Now Tuesday Tots from In Lieu of Preschool Show and Tell from ABC & 123 For the Kids Fridays from Sun Scholars Finished Friday from All Our Days Weekly Kids Co-op from Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails Preschool & Kindergarten Corner from Homeschool Creations TGIF Linky Party from 123 Homeschool 4 Me

January 30, 2013

How can I discipline my toddler and encourage good behavior? What are some good toddler discipline techniques?

Welcome to part 2 of Toddler Discipline! In case you missed it, click to read part 1.

Stay Calm

I’ll be honest, this one is my kryptonite. I know that if I can just stay calm and think things through, that I am very good at dealing with toddler behavior problems. However, once I lose my temper, that’s when I start yelling and giving consequences that are completely ineffective. (ex. Since you spilled that milk, you can never drink milk again for the rest of your life. Ever!) Okay, that may be a little bit of an exaggeration, but seriously, just stay calm. If you need to walk into another room and take a deep breath or a couple deep breaths, do it. It is much easier to discipline a toddler when you have a clear head.

Give Choices

Toddlers want to do things all by themselves. They love independence. There are so many choices in a toddler’s day that they don’t get to make (bedtime, what to eat for lunch, where they are going in the car, what time they can play, etc.). When you are doing something that your child doesn’t have a choice about (like bedtime) try giving them something they can choose. Like this, “Would you like to wear your socks to bed or your slippers?” Or, “Do you want to choose the book we read before you go to bed?” Toddlers want to be independent, so give them lots of choices throughout the day. It will help to mask all of the choices that you are making for them. ;)

Be Consistent

Whatever discipline method you choose (natural consequences, time outs, etc.) just be consistent! That also means that you get your spouse on board with you. Make sure your kids are hearing the same things from mom and from dad. If your spouse gives a consequence a little differently from you, be supportive of it in the moment. Later, (after the kids are in bed or you know they cannot hear you) talk to your spouse about the consequence and discuss how you might want to change it in the future. Be consistent with your method and be consistent between parents. Remember how I said kids love to test boundaries(see part 1)? If you are inconsistent and your kids get different results when they test a certain boundary, they will just keep breaking the rule (or testing the boundary) until they get consistent results.

Know Your Child’s Limits

When your child is too tired to think, they will not behave well. Try letting them take a nap before you give a consequence. If they are hungry, try feeding them. You know your child better than anyone. If you can tell his or her limit has been reached, then don’t expect perfect behavior. Usually the best thing to do is to let them take a nap, or feed them, or give them whatever they need. However, there are times when you can’t do that or when you have a good reason not to do that. A few years ago, we went to Disneyland as a family. My kids were getting way less sleep then they normally did, their meal times were off the schedule they were used to, and they were tired from being in the hot sun. I knew that if one little thing set them off, it would all go downhill from there. So, I did my best to keep them happy at all costs. They got a bit more sugar than usual and they got a bit more privileges than usual. But you know what, they had a blast. They were spoiled a bit in Disneyland because I did everything I could to keep them happy. However, once we got home, things went right back to normal and they didn’t expect the same kind of treatment at home as they got in Disneyland.

Check back on Friday for part 3 of Toddler Discipline with the final four ideas!

We've found some fun people with great linky parties. You might just see this post linked up on one of these amazing sites! Link and Learn from No Time for Flashcards Sunday Showcase from Train Up a Child Share it Saturday from Teach Beside Me Tot School Gathering Place from 1+1+1=1 Montessori Monday from Living Montessori Now Tuesday Tots from In Lieu of Preschool Show and Tell from ABC & 123 For the Kids Fridays from Sun Scholars Finished Friday from All Our Days Weekly Kids Co-op from Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails Preschool & Kindergarten Corner from Homeschool Creations TGIF Linky Party from 123 Homeschool 4 Me

January 29, 2013

How can I discipline my toddler and encourage good behavior? What are some good toddler discipline techniques?

This post is dedicated to a wonderful toddler who sometimes gets a little bratty. Gasp, a bratty toddler, who could imagine? :) The toddler is not Smiley Man. I don’t think he has hit his terrible twos quite yet. The toddler is the daughter of a very good friend of mine. She is a major cutie, such a good big sister, and occasionally breaks some rules.

As many of my readers know, I majored in Elementary Education and I also teach preschool. I am very familiar with toddler discipline and normal toddler behavior. I know that correct discipline techniques can make the world of difference in your child. He or she will be well behaved and happier in general. That being said, I am in no way perfect. Just because I know the right parenting techniques for toddler behavior problems, doesn’t mean I always use them. I make mistakes, especially when I am frustrated or angry. Don’t try to be a perfect parent, just try each day to be a better one.

Toddler Discipline Tips

Structure

Toddlers thrive on structure and a regular routine. To some people, this means making a daily schedule and never going more than 15 minutes off schedule. To some people, this means doing a certain thing on certain days of the week (Monday go to the park, Tuesday go to the Library, Wednesday go to a friend’s, etc.)  If you like a tight schedule, then make one and keep it. If you like a loose schedule that is flexible, then make one and keep it. If you like a schedule that is somewhere in between, then make one and keep it. Whatever structure you have, just be sure to stick with it. Also, some toddlers may need more structure than others. When Little Bear was a toddler, he did much better with an exact schedule. Smiley Man doesn’t need a schedule as exact as Little Bear, so I have adjusted accordingly. Pay attention to the needs of your child. Here is a calendar I use with Little Bear. You are welcome to download and print it out for your toddler or preschooler!

Set Clear Boundaries

One of a toddler’s very favorite things to do is test boundaries. If you think their brain is not developed enough to test a boundary you have set or to be sneaky and ignore the boundary, then you are wrong. Toddlers are geniuses in that way. When Little Bear was 16 months old, he asked me for water because he knew I would move away from the cupboard that he wanted to get into. By the way, I was standing in front of this cupboard specifically so he could not get into it. Kids are very mischievous. When you set a boundary (ex. “please keep these toys in the living room”). They WILL test it. If you set a boundary, know that it will be tested and that you will need to follow through with a consequence.

Time Out

Time outs have always been pretty controversial, especially in the last few years. If you don’t want to use time outs, don’t use them. Follow your parental instincts. That being said, time outs are one of my preferred consequence for toddlers, but only if they are done right. Personally, I think the “terrible twos” is such a difficult stage because your child is old enough to break rules, but not old enough to understand logic.

If your child is playing with a knife, you absolutely must take the knife away. You cannot let your child play with the knife until he has cut himself. However, you can’t really explain to your child the consequence of playing with a knife either. You can say “danger,” but he is too young to know what a cut is. Using time outs correctly can help your child understand that a certain behavior or a certain object is off limits.

• How to correctly use Time Outs
  • When your child breaks a rule, get down on his level (be eye to eye with your toddler) and tell him what he did wrong.
  • Put your toddler in time out. I encourage having a specified time out spot. This can be a rug or a stool or even a specific corner in your house.
  • Do not make your child face the wall, or yell at your child, or try to make your child feel guilty in any way. Simply, tell your child what he did wrong and calmly explain that he must go to time out.
  • If your child resists, it is okay to pick him up put him in time out. Just don’t hurt him in any way.
  •  If your child leaves time out before he is supposed to, simply pick him up and say, “You are in time out because ____” and put him back in time out. You may have to repeat that process 4-5 times, but eventually he will stop leaving time out.
  • Have your child sit in time out one minute for each year he has lived. For example, if your toddler is 2 years old, he should be in time out for 2 minutes. If your child is 3, he should be in time out for 3 minutes. I do 1 ½ minutes once my child is 18 months, but you can still do 1 minute if you prefer.
  • When time out is over, go to your child and again tell him what he did wrong. Stay calm! Have your child say sorry and then give lots of hugs.

Natural Consequences

Natural consequences are my other preferred method of discipline for toddlers. Natural consequences are consequences that would naturally come about because of your toddler’s incorrect behavior. For example, if your child spills his milk on purpose, he gets no more milk. If your toddler rips his favorite book, he must throw the book in the garbage. If your child dumps cheerios all over the floor, he must help clean up the cheerios. Natural consequences are a great way to teach your child about certain behaviors. My kids have always known, if they spill something, they must clean it up. I suggest using natural consequences as often as possible and using time outs for all other consequences.

Sometimes it is NOT okay to use a natural consequence. For example, if your child keeps running out into the street, do NOT let them continue until they get hit by a car. Or, if your child is playing by a fire, do NOT let them get too close and get burned to learn that the fire is hot. Obviously, natural consequences do not work every time. Also, sometimes it is hard to think of a natural consequence. If it is too dangerous for a natural consequence or you cannot think of a natural consequence. I suggest using a time out.

Check back tomorrow for part 2 of Toddler Discipline with four more ideas!

We've found some fun people with great linky parties. You might just see this post linked up on one of these amazing sites! Link and Learn from No Time for Flashcards Sunday Showcase from Train Up a Child Share it Saturday from Teach Beside Me Tot School Gathering Place from 1+1+1=1 Montessori Monday from Living Montessori Now Tuesday Tots from In Lieu of Preschool Show and Tell from ABC & 123 For the Kids Fridays from Sun Scholars Finished Friday from All Our Days Weekly Kids Co-op from Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails Preschool & Kindergarten Corner from Homeschool Creations TGIF Linky Party from 123 Homeschool 4 Me